![]() Some people seek to avoid disappointment by turning into underachievers. The way we handle disappointment is related to our developmental history - our relationship with our parents and other early, formative experiences. In other cases, even when we do get what we want - and think we deserve it - we may discover that what we wanted so badly doesn’t bring the expected bliss and happiness. ![]() For example, in Sigmund Freud’s 1916 essay “ Some Character-Types Met with in Psycho-Analytic Work,” he explored the paradox of people who were “wrecked by success.” Unconsciously, these people believed that their success was unjustified, so achieving it didn’t feel satisfying to them. Paradoxically, we may even become disappointed when we get what we want. Many of our desires that we pursue are unconscious, sublimated, and frequently contradictory. This is what makes disappointment such a complex and confusing feeling. Given the convoluted nature of desire, there are no experiences that are entirely free of disappointment. Some of these disappointments will not make much of a difference, but there are also disappointments that can change the course of our lives. Someone once said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” The quote recognizes that when we experience disappointment, our hopes and expectations are out of line with reality. How can we learn to manage our disappointments effectively? Managing Expectations In these cases, disappointment can even become depression. They come out of such disappointments stronger. Somehow, they have the strength to take stock of what has happened to them, learn from the incident, and move on. Many people successfully work through their disappointments. The sense of futility and bewilderment was almost too much to bear. Robert was left kicking himself for not seeing it coming. Instead, they appointed someone else to take the lead - someone Robert didn’t trust to continue the work that had been the capstone of his career. But when push came to shove, they vetoed his candidate. ![]() The company’s executives assured him that they agreed with his choice. How could he have misjudged the situation so badly? He felt angry, sad, and betrayed.īecause of his impending retirement, Robert had carefully groomed a successor to take over his key project. ![]()
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